I have survived the first week of medical school.
And really, after that first day, I've thrived at medical school. I love biochemistry and musculoskeletal anatomy. I love looking at someone and thinking "Wow, those deltoids are really defined. I wonder if they'd let me try to find the insertion point." I've enjoyed the case studies and the extra homework and I've really fallen in love with body work.
I don't get lost on the way to school anymore, and I got my parking pass today so that I don't have to worry about coordinating the 2-hour-long-5-transfer-quickest-mass-transportation-route home after my latest class.
My classmates know me as "the wolverine girl" which is quite likely the most awesome nickname I've ever had. These are my people. We're already like a huge family, and I love my section mates. We have such a variety of people! From hawiian botanists to mayan archeologists to broadway actresses, there's so many strengths represented.
<3
(Also, I got my financial aid check. cha Ching!)
Friday, September 17, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Day Two: the light breaking through the hills.
I arrived early to meet my mentor, who graciously provided me with one of the books that I needed but couldn't afford, and then I strolled over to the bookstore and bought a coloring book. I studied for around 4 hours in the morning, and then went to Organ Systems 1 for the first time.
I don't think I took a single note. Not only did I know everything in the first lecture, I knew it in more depth than the instructor was covering. Looking at the syllabus, I think this trend may continue for a couple weeks. Just a guess, of course, but at least I don't have to break my mind studying for this class so far.
After Organ Systems I had Somatic Re-Education, which you may have heard of as Orthobionomy. It's a very subtle body work that serves to draw the body's attention to any patterns it may be holding, then it works to exaggerate the pattern for a few seconds. The exaggeration of the pattern serves as a message to the body saying "Hey, will you look at this? Do you want this?" and then the body has the chance to preserve the pattern, which is a protective mechanism, or to release the pattern. Sort of a "Oh hey, we're done with that. Not sure why that was still on" thing.
I need people to practice on, by the way. At least two people, but I have to turn in four patient case sheets, so four would be better.
It was really nice to do something so hands on, and over the course of the class, my neck felt way better, my arms became the same length, and I had some major GI tract tension release that the teacher actually had to do so that my fellow student could work on our general release pattern.
We all hold more tension than we need to, held in the memories of our every day lives. That millisecond whiplash becomes a protective mechanism, as the body holds onto the shock and begins protective measures which hold some muscles taught (so that your head doesn't fall off!) and other muscles slack. Sometimes that pattern will hold far beyond the danger of your head falling off , and then the pattern becomes "normal". Then, what I would do is observe the pattern- say, anterior flexion in the neck- and then I would help your body exaggerate the comfort that it finds in that pattern. I would help flex your neck even more. On the way out of the pattern, the body has a chance to say "wait a minute, I'm not in danger of having my head fall off. I can let go of this" or a chance to say "I'm still in danger of my head falling off, this is protecting me."
The best thing is that even legislators have recognized the medicine in that there is no license to practice this method because it does not cause injury. There are zero reports of this method making people worse. The worst it can do is nothing at all.
And so, day two was much, much better than day one. I feel much better about it. and I'm going to try to take the bus to school today.
I don't think I took a single note. Not only did I know everything in the first lecture, I knew it in more depth than the instructor was covering. Looking at the syllabus, I think this trend may continue for a couple weeks. Just a guess, of course, but at least I don't have to break my mind studying for this class so far.
After Organ Systems I had Somatic Re-Education, which you may have heard of as Orthobionomy. It's a very subtle body work that serves to draw the body's attention to any patterns it may be holding, then it works to exaggerate the pattern for a few seconds. The exaggeration of the pattern serves as a message to the body saying "Hey, will you look at this? Do you want this?" and then the body has the chance to preserve the pattern, which is a protective mechanism, or to release the pattern. Sort of a "Oh hey, we're done with that. Not sure why that was still on" thing.
I need people to practice on, by the way. At least two people, but I have to turn in four patient case sheets, so four would be better.
It was really nice to do something so hands on, and over the course of the class, my neck felt way better, my arms became the same length, and I had some major GI tract tension release that the teacher actually had to do so that my fellow student could work on our general release pattern.
We all hold more tension than we need to, held in the memories of our every day lives. That millisecond whiplash becomes a protective mechanism, as the body holds onto the shock and begins protective measures which hold some muscles taught (so that your head doesn't fall off!) and other muscles slack. Sometimes that pattern will hold far beyond the danger of your head falling off , and then the pattern becomes "normal". Then, what I would do is observe the pattern- say, anterior flexion in the neck- and then I would help your body exaggerate the comfort that it finds in that pattern. I would help flex your neck even more. On the way out of the pattern, the body has a chance to say "wait a minute, I'm not in danger of having my head fall off. I can let go of this" or a chance to say "I'm still in danger of my head falling off, this is protecting me."
The best thing is that even legislators have recognized the medicine in that there is no license to practice this method because it does not cause injury. There are zero reports of this method making people worse. The worst it can do is nothing at all.
And so, day two was much, much better than day one. I feel much better about it. and I'm going to try to take the bus to school today.
Monday, September 13, 2010
The Way Med School Actually Starts- a firsthand encounter.
Day One...
Was a disaster. I'm really trying to think of it in theater axioms- crappy first day means good rest of the year? Better to suck now so I won't kill patients later? I don't know, but whatever was going on- the universe had it in for me.
Before the classwork even happened I
(a) got lost
(b) couldn't find a parking spot
(c) was in the wrong line for a financial aid check
(d) didn't get a financial aid check
(e) had to go to the financial aid office to find that the government has not bothered to release my entrance counseling to the school, so I can't afford books until next week after the government talks to financial aid and financial aid talks to the business office and the business office talks to the bank.
(f) got lost on the way to the bakery where I was going to do a midmorning snack and relaxation
(g) spilled my cappuchino after the first sip all over my book bag
and (h) got lost on the way back to school.
So I finally get to my first class, biochemistry, and I'm actually pretty stoked about that one. The teacher is nice and seems committed to student success, started with the basics and picked up from there. I'm going to have to study- I always get screwed up with pKa and pH, and that's a lot of the first pathway we're learning. I feel like undergrad has left me perfectly able to pick up and study from where I stopped in ochem. 12:30 to 3:30, but it didn't feel that long, and it'll be a good class.
Second class, same room, 3:30 to 5:30- Musculoskeletal Anatomy. Should be good at this, right? I've already taken a year of the class, already worked with cadavers and necropsies, already have the flash cards.
Wrong.
So, in undergrad, you learn all the bones. Sort of. Then you move on to the muscles. Then the organs, the nerves, etc. Very linear and sort of exclusionary, focusing on the specifics of whatever particular facet you're working with.
Today, I got flattened by the anatomy bus of doom. I need to relearn or learn for the first time all of the bones, fossa, bursae, tendons, muscles, nerves, and blood vessels of the upper limb. The teacher has already told us that we can read the slides ourselves, and that if we have trouble, we should grab a book. He sounds totally unconcerned by the fact that he taught us nothing, and gave us a clinical situation that we needed to solve despite not knowing the muscles, nerves, or conditions that would solve his clinical solution. He seems inflexible and unavailable.
When do I need to know this by?
Next Monday.
So- let me just re-emphasize: Muscles, bones, nerves, blood, and how they work together, and common problems of the shoulder, upper arm, and upper back. In a week. With no other classes beyond the one I had today. No set book.
What would I do if I had my summer again? Buy a medical grade anatomy textbook and start memorizing it.
Oh, and then on the way home? Some jackass wouldn't let me turn into the lane I needed to be in, forcing me onto the bridge over the river, and I got lost and ran out of gas.
Happy first day of medical school.
Was a disaster. I'm really trying to think of it in theater axioms- crappy first day means good rest of the year? Better to suck now so I won't kill patients later? I don't know, but whatever was going on- the universe had it in for me.
Before the classwork even happened I
(a) got lost
(b) couldn't find a parking spot
(c) was in the wrong line for a financial aid check
(d) didn't get a financial aid check
(e) had to go to the financial aid office to find that the government has not bothered to release my entrance counseling to the school, so I can't afford books until next week after the government talks to financial aid and financial aid talks to the business office and the business office talks to the bank.
(f) got lost on the way to the bakery where I was going to do a midmorning snack and relaxation
(g) spilled my cappuchino after the first sip all over my book bag
and (h) got lost on the way back to school.
So I finally get to my first class, biochemistry, and I'm actually pretty stoked about that one. The teacher is nice and seems committed to student success, started with the basics and picked up from there. I'm going to have to study- I always get screwed up with pKa and pH, and that's a lot of the first pathway we're learning. I feel like undergrad has left me perfectly able to pick up and study from where I stopped in ochem. 12:30 to 3:30, but it didn't feel that long, and it'll be a good class.
Second class, same room, 3:30 to 5:30- Musculoskeletal Anatomy. Should be good at this, right? I've already taken a year of the class, already worked with cadavers and necropsies, already have the flash cards.
Wrong.
So, in undergrad, you learn all the bones. Sort of. Then you move on to the muscles. Then the organs, the nerves, etc. Very linear and sort of exclusionary, focusing on the specifics of whatever particular facet you're working with.
Today, I got flattened by the anatomy bus of doom. I need to relearn or learn for the first time all of the bones, fossa, bursae, tendons, muscles, nerves, and blood vessels of the upper limb. The teacher has already told us that we can read the slides ourselves, and that if we have trouble, we should grab a book. He sounds totally unconcerned by the fact that he taught us nothing, and gave us a clinical situation that we needed to solve despite not knowing the muscles, nerves, or conditions that would solve his clinical solution. He seems inflexible and unavailable.
When do I need to know this by?
Next Monday.
So- let me just re-emphasize: Muscles, bones, nerves, blood, and how they work together, and common problems of the shoulder, upper arm, and upper back. In a week. With no other classes beyond the one I had today. No set book.
What would I do if I had my summer again? Buy a medical grade anatomy textbook and start memorizing it.
Oh, and then on the way home? Some jackass wouldn't let me turn into the lane I needed to be in, forcing me onto the bridge over the river, and I got lost and ran out of gas.
Happy first day of medical school.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
my calling
At this point, I am considered oriented for entry into the first year of medical school. I've been instructed as to procedure, applied for my parking pass, laughed with my fellow students, added elective credits and met with my adviser. I've contacted docs in my hometown to ask their advice on how my community education credits can serve me so that my community will be waiting for me to graduate.
I've talked to one of my heroes, eaten more soy protein than my body can handle, and signed up for extra health insurance. I mapped out my schedule in excel, printed a copy and mailed copies to family. I've set up my home office.
And really, the only thing left to do is walk into class on monday morning.
I am so excited.
I've talked to one of my heroes, eaten more soy protein than my body can handle, and signed up for extra health insurance. I mapped out my schedule in excel, printed a copy and mailed copies to family. I've set up my home office.
And really, the only thing left to do is walk into class on monday morning.
I am so excited.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Chassit
I am incredibly sad. I'm not sure that it counts as depression yet, though I've had an extreme decrease in appetite and in desire to go outside of my house.
Two nights ago I went with my mentor and another first year to hike mt. tabor. It was a fun walk, and that is not the part of the day that made me sad. In fact, referring to other people as "first years" kinda makes me feel like I'm a new student at Hogwarts. I got home, was feeling pretty good about the exercise and how I'd resisted a glorious concoction of berries and whipped cream, sat down to talk to my husband.....
And then...
We saw one of our cats outside of our glass patio door, looking incredibly pleased with herself and asking to come back inside. Discovering that one of the kitchen window screens had been popped out, we searched for our other cat.
He was not in the house.
He was not under the house, which is his typical go-to out of doors spot.
And now, it's 36 hours later, and he is still missing. I've called the county shelter (which is closed for labor day weekend) and put up flyers on the mailboxes and the garbage enclosure. I've put an ad on the craigslist lost and found. I've enlisted the local neighborhood kids in the search, and my husband has crawled through slime and swam through blackberries as I've cajoled and shook treat jars.
So, if you see a black and brown tortoiseshell cat, medium long fur length, neutered male, with tattooed ears reading "KRC 147", wearing a red and brown plaid harness, please call me or email me or leave me a comment or bring him home.
Every time I try to upload a picture of him to the blog it crashes my firefox for a few hours, so contact me and I'll mail you a picture.
I try not to be so upset. Everyone says "It's just a cat" or "He'll come back, he's just out skittering around" but it's My cat, my lap cat who's dumber than a box of rocks and sweeter than a box of candy.
I just want him back.
Two nights ago I went with my mentor and another first year to hike mt. tabor. It was a fun walk, and that is not the part of the day that made me sad. In fact, referring to other people as "first years" kinda makes me feel like I'm a new student at Hogwarts. I got home, was feeling pretty good about the exercise and how I'd resisted a glorious concoction of berries and whipped cream, sat down to talk to my husband.....
And then...
We saw one of our cats outside of our glass patio door, looking incredibly pleased with herself and asking to come back inside. Discovering that one of the kitchen window screens had been popped out, we searched for our other cat.
He was not in the house.
He was not under the house, which is his typical go-to out of doors spot.
And now, it's 36 hours later, and he is still missing. I've called the county shelter (which is closed for labor day weekend) and put up flyers on the mailboxes and the garbage enclosure. I've put an ad on the craigslist lost and found. I've enlisted the local neighborhood kids in the search, and my husband has crawled through slime and swam through blackberries as I've cajoled and shook treat jars.
So, if you see a black and brown tortoiseshell cat, medium long fur length, neutered male, with tattooed ears reading "KRC 147", wearing a red and brown plaid harness, please call me or email me or leave me a comment or bring him home.
Every time I try to upload a picture of him to the blog it crashes my firefox for a few hours, so contact me and I'll mail you a picture.
I try not to be so upset. Everyone says "It's just a cat" or "He'll come back, he's just out skittering around" but it's My cat, my lap cat who's dumber than a box of rocks and sweeter than a box of candy.
I just want him back.
Friday, August 27, 2010
5 Inch Heels
I'm inspired by the similar situation and imagery of one of my good college friends, in her post of aubergine. (which, when I looked it up in the dictionary, is a dark purplish color such as the color of eggplant, or can be used as jargon to refer to the presence of a computer near computerphobic people. I learn something new every day.)
Anyways.
5 inch heels require that you ignore reality. It's not about the cobble stones or the carpet that you're walking on. It's about the stride, the balance, and really- the sensitivity of your feet. All of which is going on in your brain, within yourself. To wear these pillars of self confidence, you have to be confident in yourself. You know you can rock these heels, and you're out, not to show the world that you can rock these shoes, but to walk on the clouds.
Your stride grows longer at a walk, shorter at a run, feeling with every movement the delicate balance of heel to toes, ankle to body, body to neck, neck to the top of your head. You are God's marionette, on a string suspended from the heavens themselves. You are aware, while you wear these shoes, of the muscles and ligaments suspending you in your perpetual controlled fall towards your destination.
With every meter of progress, you allow yourself to experience the now as you've never felt it before. Each second, the nerves of your foot communicate with you to explain the tilt of the earth, the feeling of the air around you, the pebbles that you would (in your tennis shoes) pass not a second thought on. Crushed, wet grass becomes exquisite in a way that you've never experienced before. Smooth linoleum announces your presence from miles away.
So when we wobble, we're really just reaffirming our self exploration on whatever journey we've begun. The ankle slides mildly from side to side, and our eyes grow wide as we re-realize exactly where we are, and how far we have yet to go....but it's a good thing. Because then, at that moment of discord, we recollect ourselves and start again, head up and facing everything coming our way, ankles straight, calves strong, bodies beautiful, minds aware, totally aware, of just how far we've come.
So, yes. things are new. We're in new cities, doing new things with new people. But I'm not afraid, because I have my 5 inch heels telling me that just now, in this moment, we're doing alright, that we've come so very far and we have a long ways to go, too- but we're ok and just taking it one lacy, strappy, spindle thin, satiny, glorious step at a time.
Anyways.
5 inch heels require that you ignore reality. It's not about the cobble stones or the carpet that you're walking on. It's about the stride, the balance, and really- the sensitivity of your feet. All of which is going on in your brain, within yourself. To wear these pillars of self confidence, you have to be confident in yourself. You know you can rock these heels, and you're out, not to show the world that you can rock these shoes, but to walk on the clouds.
 |
| (My favorite shoes- Hide N Seek by Chinese Laundry) |
Your stride grows longer at a walk, shorter at a run, feeling with every movement the delicate balance of heel to toes, ankle to body, body to neck, neck to the top of your head. You are God's marionette, on a string suspended from the heavens themselves. You are aware, while you wear these shoes, of the muscles and ligaments suspending you in your perpetual controlled fall towards your destination.
With every meter of progress, you allow yourself to experience the now as you've never felt it before. Each second, the nerves of your foot communicate with you to explain the tilt of the earth, the feeling of the air around you, the pebbles that you would (in your tennis shoes) pass not a second thought on. Crushed, wet grass becomes exquisite in a way that you've never experienced before. Smooth linoleum announces your presence from miles away.
So when we wobble, we're really just reaffirming our self exploration on whatever journey we've begun. The ankle slides mildly from side to side, and our eyes grow wide as we re-realize exactly where we are, and how far we have yet to go....but it's a good thing. Because then, at that moment of discord, we recollect ourselves and start again, head up and facing everything coming our way, ankles straight, calves strong, bodies beautiful, minds aware, totally aware, of just how far we've come.
So, yes. things are new. We're in new cities, doing new things with new people. But I'm not afraid, because I have my 5 inch heels telling me that just now, in this moment, we're doing alright, that we've come so very far and we have a long ways to go, too- but we're ok and just taking it one lacy, strappy, spindle thin, satiny, glorious step at a time.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Mental Load
"...New Student Orientation...will be a healthy balance of practical and fun."
I think anticipation really is killing me.
When I made it into med school, I screamed. Bubbling over with enthusiasm, I couldn't wait to go to class and learn what it is to be a healthy human being. The knowledge of going somewhere else floated me through the rest of senior year, and reassured my otherwise planless existence.
Now, basically three months from the beginning of summer, I'm terrified of everything.
I already knew I was going to be young for this school. Now I'm pretty certain that I'm the youngest. All of my fellow entering classmates will, on average, be about 9 years older than I and also hold at least one more advanced degree, if not several more advanced degrees. It also sounds like many won't have to work their way through school, are generally in better fitness than I am, and have more general skills than I do. Also, they can afford to live closer to the school than I can.
To top it off, all students are expected to be available for classes Monday through Friday from 7am to 5pm or 7pm. Oh, goodness. What have I gotten myself into? Can I even survive it?
Orientation starts on September 7th, and I wish it was here already. I am tired of tormenting myself with all of these maybes and mightbes and pleasedeargodnobes. I know I can do this, I just need to stop thinking about it so much.
Augh.
-Office of Student Services
I think anticipation really is killing me.
When I made it into med school, I screamed. Bubbling over with enthusiasm, I couldn't wait to go to class and learn what it is to be a healthy human being. The knowledge of going somewhere else floated me through the rest of senior year, and reassured my otherwise planless existence.
Now, basically three months from the beginning of summer, I'm terrified of everything.
I already knew I was going to be young for this school. Now I'm pretty certain that I'm the youngest. All of my fellow entering classmates will, on average, be about 9 years older than I and also hold at least one more advanced degree, if not several more advanced degrees. It also sounds like many won't have to work their way through school, are generally in better fitness than I am, and have more general skills than I do. Also, they can afford to live closer to the school than I can.
To top it off, all students are expected to be available for classes Monday through Friday from 7am to 5pm or 7pm. Oh, goodness. What have I gotten myself into? Can I even survive it?
Orientation starts on September 7th, and I wish it was here already. I am tired of tormenting myself with all of these maybes and mightbes and pleasedeargodnobes. I know I can do this, I just need to stop thinking about it so much.
Augh.
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