Interesting tidbits to keep you from thinking I've abandoned the blog-
Van Gogh, Dante, Harriet Tubman, and Agatha Christie all have something in common beyond being a part of this wonderful thing we call the human legacy- They all suffered from seizure disorders.
University of California Los Angeles has a 300 credit hour program entitled "Medical Acupuncture for Physicians", which would not allow them to practice acupuncture in California, a state which requires 3,000 credit hours. Further proof that mainstream allopathic medicine intends to cherry-pick what they like about natural and traditional medicine, and then do a really bad job at training people to practice in those modalities.
I've been elected donations chair for the student government association at my school. If you'd like to donate something (monetarily or physically, like raffle prizes) please let me know, either via the blog or by email.
The P90X program is a go again. I'm surprised at how much muscle wasting I have on my right side, but I've nonetheless made it through the first weeks, doing the best I can and forgetting the rest. There's something very soothing about hearing Tony Horton yell in the background as I struggle to do my 5th assisted pullup...
My primary, who is about to graduate, gave me these two nuggets of wisdom while we shared some sunshine on the school lawn today:
1- spend as much time in the clinic as you can.
2- Remember that every quarter/stage of life has the potential to be the most anxiety provoking segment of time you've ever dreamed of- so choose to see instead, the potential of every quarter/stage of life has to be the most peaceful and valuable segment of time that you have.
My small brown cat has found a way inside the bottom of my grey, wing back chair. This is distressing, as there are many other places he could lie without destroying my beautiful chair. I have not found a way to keep him out and do not have the materials to repair the chair. Suggestions?
Females over 35 who smoke and take oral contraceptives have the highest risk of stroke in the united states population.
Biscuits stuffed with spicy tuna mix will always be a delicious, easy to whip up, potluck dish.
I need to sleep. <3
Friday, June 3, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
ignorance does not equal naivete
Just in case anyone was wondering, since it came up today in class-
the definition of ignorance is to be without knowledge of a specific topic. The definition of naive is having or showing a lack of experience, judgment, or information. They're not the same thing and definitely should not be treated as such. They're synonyms only in that the same could be said of being forthright, or natural, or virgin.
The connotation of ignorance is of willful unknowing, like that of disregard or of philistinism, while naivete is associated with innocence, childishness, and candor.
There's a difference between being ignorant of cultural competency and being naive of cultural competence.
When I and my classmates go in to practice, we will both have people who are offended that we ask them what gender they identify with and people who will be offended if we don't ask. We will make mistakes, occasionally asking a race-loaded question or by assuming social status. The people we come in contact with will be sensitive to different areas of cultural awareness. For instance, any long time reader here might be aware that I have an extreme sensitivity to social class divide, which comes up nearly every day at my gifted and often entitled school.
I would hope that each person who leaves a cultural competency class will find that there are many assumptions that we hold about the world that informs our every action and word. We use unintelligible idioms every day, shop at certain stores, expect some traditions, like Christmas, or gender identification. The important thing is that we understand where our limitations are-- That when we mess up and wish a wiccan a merry christmas, we can honestly and humbly say "My bad. Happy holidays."
The truth is that not a single one of us has the right to say that the other person is wrong in their belief, practice, tradition, or identity.
(and for those who might claim immediately that of course there is wrong and that I'm a godless heathen for saying there isn't- remember that the Bible says "Judge not, lest ye be judged." Matthew 7:1)
Every person has a right to live their own lives in the best way that they can live them, according to the vision and fate that they follow.
Every person will be at a different point in their own journey.
Some of them might be ignorant. I know I'm ignorant of a great many things, like higher maths, astrophysics, and how to pull a heater core out of a truck. I could learn these things, but I'm not interested.
Some of these people might also be naive, as I believe every person is of some concept or another. I don't necessarily know what I don't know. It's not willful. If I'm offending someone by not knowing something, I truly hope that I'll be told so that I can then be ignorant of it, and hopefully eventually competent in that topic.
As a future physician, I know that I will need to ask about sensitive information. I know I might even have patients that I don't resonate well with, or with whom I flatly disagree. That's not going to change my standard of care- because I'm here living my dream. My dream is to help people find the healing within themselves, regardless of race, religion, gender identification, ignorance, or naivete.
And I hope that everyone shares at least the "regardless of race, religion, gender identification, ignorance, or naivete" half of my dream.
the definition of ignorance is to be without knowledge of a specific topic. The definition of naive is having or showing a lack of experience, judgment, or information. They're not the same thing and definitely should not be treated as such. They're synonyms only in that the same could be said of being forthright, or natural, or virgin.
The connotation of ignorance is of willful unknowing, like that of disregard or of philistinism, while naivete is associated with innocence, childishness, and candor.
There's a difference between being ignorant of cultural competency and being naive of cultural competence.
When I and my classmates go in to practice, we will both have people who are offended that we ask them what gender they identify with and people who will be offended if we don't ask. We will make mistakes, occasionally asking a race-loaded question or by assuming social status. The people we come in contact with will be sensitive to different areas of cultural awareness. For instance, any long time reader here might be aware that I have an extreme sensitivity to social class divide, which comes up nearly every day at my gifted and often entitled school.
I would hope that each person who leaves a cultural competency class will find that there are many assumptions that we hold about the world that informs our every action and word. We use unintelligible idioms every day, shop at certain stores, expect some traditions, like Christmas, or gender identification. The important thing is that we understand where our limitations are-- That when we mess up and wish a wiccan a merry christmas, we can honestly and humbly say "My bad. Happy holidays."
The truth is that not a single one of us has the right to say that the other person is wrong in their belief, practice, tradition, or identity.
(and for those who might claim immediately that of course there is wrong and that I'm a godless heathen for saying there isn't- remember that the Bible says "Judge not, lest ye be judged." Matthew 7:1)
Every person has a right to live their own lives in the best way that they can live them, according to the vision and fate that they follow.
Every person will be at a different point in their own journey.
Some of them might be ignorant. I know I'm ignorant of a great many things, like higher maths, astrophysics, and how to pull a heater core out of a truck. I could learn these things, but I'm not interested.
Some of these people might also be naive, as I believe every person is of some concept or another. I don't necessarily know what I don't know. It's not willful. If I'm offending someone by not knowing something, I truly hope that I'll be told so that I can then be ignorant of it, and hopefully eventually competent in that topic.
As a future physician, I know that I will need to ask about sensitive information. I know I might even have patients that I don't resonate well with, or with whom I flatly disagree. That's not going to change my standard of care- because I'm here living my dream. My dream is to help people find the healing within themselves, regardless of race, religion, gender identification, ignorance, or naivete.
And I hope that everyone shares at least the "regardless of race, religion, gender identification, ignorance, or naivete" half of my dream.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
segmental time.
I haven't had much to say, and even less time to say it in, but today is special.
It's a Wednesday, you see.
On Wednesdays in the 7th week of first year spring term, I only have one class and that class has a test.
So without further ado, let the last minute procrastination update begin:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I got my hair cut last week. I hadn't cut it in 7 years. I'm still marveling at how light my head is, how little time it takes to dry, and some of the hairstyles that work far more efficiently at -18" of normal.
When I got my hair washed at a salon during winter finals (when I was still all wheelchaired up and holding my arms up with the weight of hair was impossible), my "Hair Goddess", as her business card declared, told me I should cut my hair. Not just because of how damaged it'd become over the three months o' misery, but because "Hair is the only weight we choose to bear".
and the more I thought about it, the more I needed something easy and light in my life. One of my dear classmates asked for the task, and I figured it was time. I went to her house, she poured me a tequila mojito, and the event began, inch by inch.
Best haircut I've ever had. No trauma, lots of are-you-sures, patience, good company and tequila. If she wasn't going to be such a fabulous doctor, I'd beg her to open a salon.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
On another side of life, another classmate is letting me read through her books.
I'm starved for novel time, just at the moment, so I'm flying through them. I read three last night and this morning while I should have been studying for this test.
She also gave me a treat, which pretty much made my week. Normally I hate Mondays- I start out with office work, have a hasty lunch, sit through four hours of lecture and then go in to the chaos that is a modality lab where I always do the work because I'm contraindicated to receive.
This last Monday though, my bosses were away, so I got a long morning to study, the first class was more clinically relevant and really held my attention, I got a treat and encouragement, the second class was canceled, so I got to study, and the lab wasn't half bad even though I still did all the work. It was a better learning experience for me to see where I was weak in the protocol. Then I got to go home and use my treat- seaweed and arnica bubble bath! It was so fantastic. For those of you who don't know the magic that is the herb arnica, it's used as a vasodialator and pain reliever to speed healing of bruises, sprains, strains, and all your other bumps and bruises. It's the western European version of tiger balm.
I sank beneath the juniper, lavender, lemon, and pine scented foam and reemerged a new being, less fatigued, less in pain, and in much better spirits.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last weekend was the naturopathic philosophy retreat.
I gotta love any day that starts out with a morning song and a mandatory 1.5 hour barefoot nature walk. I found a broken building full of bats, and coyote tracks, and a bunny, and a wren's nest, and a friendly tree, and some stinging nettles, and a banana slug to cure the stings from the stinging nettles, a fun mud puddle, a stick, and a good hill for rolling down.
Never give up your childhood.
There's a lot of joy in just being outside if you don't have so much pressure on what you have to do whilst you're out there.
In addition, I learned about detoxing principles, fun ways to share the medicine with people who don't know what it is or believe in it, some good northwest herbs, and how to make flower essences.
I was also in two amazing massage chains, and had some great beer.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now it's much later in the morning of the 7th Wednesday of spring term.
Time for more books.
It's a Wednesday, you see.
On Wednesdays in the 7th week of first year spring term, I only have one class and that class has a test.
So without further ado, let the last minute procrastination update begin:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I got my hair cut last week. I hadn't cut it in 7 years. I'm still marveling at how light my head is, how little time it takes to dry, and some of the hairstyles that work far more efficiently at -18" of normal.
When I got my hair washed at a salon during winter finals (when I was still all wheelchaired up and holding my arms up with the weight of hair was impossible), my "Hair Goddess", as her business card declared, told me I should cut my hair. Not just because of how damaged it'd become over the three months o' misery, but because "Hair is the only weight we choose to bear".
and the more I thought about it, the more I needed something easy and light in my life. One of my dear classmates asked for the task, and I figured it was time. I went to her house, she poured me a tequila mojito, and the event began, inch by inch.
Best haircut I've ever had. No trauma, lots of are-you-sures, patience, good company and tequila. If she wasn't going to be such a fabulous doctor, I'd beg her to open a salon.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
On another side of life, another classmate is letting me read through her books.
I'm starved for novel time, just at the moment, so I'm flying through them. I read three last night and this morning while I should have been studying for this test.
She also gave me a treat, which pretty much made my week. Normally I hate Mondays- I start out with office work, have a hasty lunch, sit through four hours of lecture and then go in to the chaos that is a modality lab where I always do the work because I'm contraindicated to receive.
This last Monday though, my bosses were away, so I got a long morning to study, the first class was more clinically relevant and really held my attention, I got a treat and encouragement, the second class was canceled, so I got to study, and the lab wasn't half bad even though I still did all the work. It was a better learning experience for me to see where I was weak in the protocol. Then I got to go home and use my treat- seaweed and arnica bubble bath! It was so fantastic. For those of you who don't know the magic that is the herb arnica, it's used as a vasodialator and pain reliever to speed healing of bruises, sprains, strains, and all your other bumps and bruises. It's the western European version of tiger balm.
I sank beneath the juniper, lavender, lemon, and pine scented foam and reemerged a new being, less fatigued, less in pain, and in much better spirits.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last weekend was the naturopathic philosophy retreat.
I gotta love any day that starts out with a morning song and a mandatory 1.5 hour barefoot nature walk. I found a broken building full of bats, and coyote tracks, and a bunny, and a wren's nest, and a friendly tree, and some stinging nettles, and a banana slug to cure the stings from the stinging nettles, a fun mud puddle, a stick, and a good hill for rolling down.
Never give up your childhood.
There's a lot of joy in just being outside if you don't have so much pressure on what you have to do whilst you're out there.
In addition, I learned about detoxing principles, fun ways to share the medicine with people who don't know what it is or believe in it, some good northwest herbs, and how to make flower essences.
I was also in two amazing massage chains, and had some great beer.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now it's much later in the morning of the 7th Wednesday of spring term.
Time for more books.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
life is a choice.
The season is changing.
I am changing.
Who needs habits and forms anyway?
I really want to challenge myself to not allow fear of the unknown, of the different run my life.
It already runs most of the country.
I stand in a class divided, and I hope that the strings of love will bind us together.
We stand in a time of discontent and hate, and I hope that the strings of compassion will bind us together.
I stand a self confessed idealist, a thinker, a lover, a friend, a healer.
I may be a dreamer- but I'm not the only one.
The different isn't coming to morally destroy you. Only you can choose your path. Change can be healing. We are toxic. toxic on close-mindedness and denial, on habits, on hopelessness, on settling for what is easy instead of what we want, on the unwillingness to step out and be the first one.
But there's always a light beyond the first step. We can all walk towards love, towards learning, towards hope of a better tomorrow. We are always the first on our own path- no one else can live your life. You are the first. Your whole life is waiting for you to decide what you'll make of it.
Choose.
I am changing.
Who needs habits and forms anyway?
I really want to challenge myself to not allow fear of the unknown, of the different run my life.
It already runs most of the country.
I stand in a class divided, and I hope that the strings of love will bind us together.
We stand in a time of discontent and hate, and I hope that the strings of compassion will bind us together.
I stand a self confessed idealist, a thinker, a lover, a friend, a healer.
I may be a dreamer- but I'm not the only one.
The different isn't coming to morally destroy you. Only you can choose your path. Change can be healing. We are toxic. toxic on close-mindedness and denial, on habits, on hopelessness, on settling for what is easy instead of what we want, on the unwillingness to step out and be the first one.
But there's always a light beyond the first step. We can all walk towards love, towards learning, towards hope of a better tomorrow. We are always the first on our own path- no one else can live your life. You are the first. Your whole life is waiting for you to decide what you'll make of it.
Choose.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
stream of consciousness
Organ systems and string theory physics are so close, I feel like every neuron is delving into new philosophical challenges. My classmates are struggling with knowing where they truly are as we learn how we perceive where we are. I don't, so much. My vestibular system, which is where we get our sense of personal space from, is all messed up. If I stand up and close my eyes I don't have an innate impression of where the world stands in comparison to me. I just fall down.
Curiouser and curiouser, I know that I've trained other senses to help me stand straight and dance. I wonder what interposes for my brain- whether my sense of visual mapping is larger, or if I've honed my hearing for things beyond normal perception, or even just cultivated somatosensory perception beyond the normal thresholds that such sensation enjoys.
There are tales of yogis who can control even their heat production, drying wet blankets in seconds, of people who exist on air alone, of people who hear the stones talking. I am so very old, and so very young. My hair has started turning white. I've outlived three children who never made it to the world beyond the womb. I get carded every time I walk into a bar.
I'm starting to wonder what I'm capable of, and whether I'll be able to do so consciously. In just this year alone, I've bled for thirty days continuously- and lived. I've had a dream that showed me the future, though I didn't understand it at the time. I've moved from the shadows that were holding me back, talked to doctors in four corners of the globe, meditated up a protective hedge of roses while being filled with starlight. I'm in love with the world, enamored by the sky, enchanted with the trees. I'm starting to come into myself. I think my neurons are starting to make new pathways.
I think I'm finding God.
Curiouser and curiouser, I know that I've trained other senses to help me stand straight and dance. I wonder what interposes for my brain- whether my sense of visual mapping is larger, or if I've honed my hearing for things beyond normal perception, or even just cultivated somatosensory perception beyond the normal thresholds that such sensation enjoys.
There are tales of yogis who can control even their heat production, drying wet blankets in seconds, of people who exist on air alone, of people who hear the stones talking. I am so very old, and so very young. My hair has started turning white. I've outlived three children who never made it to the world beyond the womb. I get carded every time I walk into a bar.
I'm starting to wonder what I'm capable of, and whether I'll be able to do so consciously. In just this year alone, I've bled for thirty days continuously- and lived. I've had a dream that showed me the future, though I didn't understand it at the time. I've moved from the shadows that were holding me back, talked to doctors in four corners of the globe, meditated up a protective hedge of roses while being filled with starlight. I'm in love with the world, enamored by the sky, enchanted with the trees. I'm starting to come into myself. I think my neurons are starting to make new pathways.
I think I'm finding God.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
embodiment principle
Your brain doesn't know that you aren't part of the chair you're sitting on.
It's not wired to.
the pressures and sensations of the tools that you use fire through your nervous system, building the world that you can touch and feel. Think of it, your leg touching the chair touching the floor and yet you know.
You know that the floor is level, or that it isn't. You know the floor is soft, or if it isn't. You sense the passing of a train, the rumbling of the earth restlessly turning beneath your consciousness.
We are connected to everything, a part of everything that we touch
Right now, you and I are together. You and I are the embodiment of eachother.
I feel you
You are not alone, never alone.
It's not wired to.
the pressures and sensations of the tools that you use fire through your nervous system, building the world that you can touch and feel. Think of it, your leg touching the chair touching the floor and yet you know.
You know that the floor is level, or that it isn't. You know the floor is soft, or if it isn't. You sense the passing of a train, the rumbling of the earth restlessly turning beneath your consciousness.
We are connected to everything, a part of everything that we touch
Right now, you and I are together. You and I are the embodiment of eachother.
I feel you
You are not alone, never alone.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Healing Vision
I had a counseling appointment last night with someone whom my primary care physician had recommended for me to see. I knew in advance that it was an "intuitive counseling session" but I didn't really know what that meant. As a hot mess, I didn't really care. I just needed help.
I walked out of my micro class about half an hour early, and got to my appointment fifteen minutes early. I pulled the Dresden novel I'm rereading out of my purse as I sat in the waiting room tastefully decorated by ikea and began to read.
Fifteen minutes later, an extremely pregnant woman came out of the back room, and I thought "Seriously?"
I ran through the list of things that would interfere with a miscarriage counseling session, and then decided that this counselor would have greater empathy for me, because she for sure knew how having a life inside of you changes your mind and body.
She called my name, directed me to a chair, and then got me a glass of water. Then she asked if I wanted an explanation, or if I wanted to just jump right in. In hindsight, an explanation would be nice. But as ever, I like flying by the seat of my pants, so I just wanted to jump in.
She said ok, and then told me that she sees better with her eyes closed, and told me to imagine myself in a robins egg bubble and to feel the earth coming up to meet us. She said she just wanted to look around first, and then after she saw, then I could tell her what I was there about.
She closed her eyes and looked at me.
And saw sunshine, but with a shadow holding on to me, closing my crown chakra and third eye. She called on the archangels to clear away this shadow, this 15 year old shadow, and asked them to stay with me as I heal. I forget what was going on 15 years ago precisely, but I was 8 then. I think. If I did my math right. That was the year I first got sick.
After the shadow was cleared away, the top of my head was oddly sensitive, and she said that I would have an easier time reaching out to God, now that nothing was in the way. She said with the shadow gone, I had faerie energy coating my sunshine. Then she asked me why I was there.
And she looked at the "baby-beings" and put out an intention that we only wanted healthy babies who were interested in the full, being human experience, and one of the three left. She thought he was the first miscarriage. The other two, she said, were the twins. And that one of them was headstrong and all about being material, and that the other wasn't so sure, and that they'd had a deal to come together so that the strong one could help the weak one, but the weaker one had backed out. She said she'd be surprised if they came in at the same time again, but also said that she thought it would be these two who would come the next time.
She looked at me and my husband, and grounded out the grief and the pain so that we could better reach out to one another.
She had me tell all of the horrible things that people said to me into a single rose, and then blow that rose up. (which was a little distressing for me, but I suppose that there was beautiful intention in many of the terrible things they said.)
She told me to pay attention to my jaw, and that there was so much tightness there from holding on to a game face, and then we cleared that. We cleared a genetic tape through the female line that whispered "It's hard to be the woman" and I feel so much more clear on that- I've always thought it was a beautiful and wonderful thing to be a woman. I miss my menses, and my connection to the moon and I fully enjoy all of the lovely things that make being a woman so wonderful. I love that I'm capable of nurturing life.
She told me that I had a healer's energy (but she didn't ask me what I do for a living) and that I need to work on psychospiritual boundaries so that I only attract people who are interested in healing themselves, not in just draining my own healing energy.
She told me something that I've only had people I know very well (like, my best friend after we'd known each other for 6 years ) tell me, which is that I'm through and through honest, like the essence of truth. And that I go around shocking people, and then when I should follow that up with more words, I feel them withdraw with shock, and then I withdraw to give them space, and they decide that the distance is me-imposed. She told me ways that I could work on that space and shock and dialogue, but then told me that most of the people who don't appreciate that honesty probably aren't that good for me anyway.
She told me that my rejection complex probably started with someone who I embarrassed that didn't know what to do with me, and had her own intimacy issues, and that that's why I'm not so good at asking for answers.
She also told me that this period of helplessness is good practice in asking again.
We talked about a lot of things, in just an hour, or rather, she told me a lot of things and I filled in some gaps and helped focus her on what I needed her to see.
But the important thing is that I feel so much more whole. I can see opportunities and joy stretched ahead of me. I learned about myself. I feel closer to God. and I got to see my babies.
I love alternative medicine, and the myriad gifts that people are given.
I walked out of my micro class about half an hour early, and got to my appointment fifteen minutes early. I pulled the Dresden novel I'm rereading out of my purse as I sat in the waiting room tastefully decorated by ikea and began to read.
Fifteen minutes later, an extremely pregnant woman came out of the back room, and I thought "Seriously?"
I ran through the list of things that would interfere with a miscarriage counseling session, and then decided that this counselor would have greater empathy for me, because she for sure knew how having a life inside of you changes your mind and body.
She called my name, directed me to a chair, and then got me a glass of water. Then she asked if I wanted an explanation, or if I wanted to just jump right in. In hindsight, an explanation would be nice. But as ever, I like flying by the seat of my pants, so I just wanted to jump in.
She said ok, and then told me that she sees better with her eyes closed, and told me to imagine myself in a robins egg bubble and to feel the earth coming up to meet us. She said she just wanted to look around first, and then after she saw, then I could tell her what I was there about.
She closed her eyes and looked at me.
And saw sunshine, but with a shadow holding on to me, closing my crown chakra and third eye. She called on the archangels to clear away this shadow, this 15 year old shadow, and asked them to stay with me as I heal. I forget what was going on 15 years ago precisely, but I was 8 then. I think. If I did my math right. That was the year I first got sick.
After the shadow was cleared away, the top of my head was oddly sensitive, and she said that I would have an easier time reaching out to God, now that nothing was in the way. She said with the shadow gone, I had faerie energy coating my sunshine. Then she asked me why I was there.
And she looked at the "baby-beings" and put out an intention that we only wanted healthy babies who were interested in the full, being human experience, and one of the three left. She thought he was the first miscarriage. The other two, she said, were the twins. And that one of them was headstrong and all about being material, and that the other wasn't so sure, and that they'd had a deal to come together so that the strong one could help the weak one, but the weaker one had backed out. She said she'd be surprised if they came in at the same time again, but also said that she thought it would be these two who would come the next time.
She looked at me and my husband, and grounded out the grief and the pain so that we could better reach out to one another.
She had me tell all of the horrible things that people said to me into a single rose, and then blow that rose up. (which was a little distressing for me, but I suppose that there was beautiful intention in many of the terrible things they said.)
She told me to pay attention to my jaw, and that there was so much tightness there from holding on to a game face, and then we cleared that. We cleared a genetic tape through the female line that whispered "It's hard to be the woman" and I feel so much more clear on that- I've always thought it was a beautiful and wonderful thing to be a woman. I miss my menses, and my connection to the moon and I fully enjoy all of the lovely things that make being a woman so wonderful. I love that I'm capable of nurturing life.
She told me that I had a healer's energy (but she didn't ask me what I do for a living) and that I need to work on psychospiritual boundaries so that I only attract people who are interested in healing themselves, not in just draining my own healing energy.
She told me something that I've only had people I know very well (like, my best friend after we'd known each other for 6 years ) tell me, which is that I'm through and through honest, like the essence of truth. And that I go around shocking people, and then when I should follow that up with more words, I feel them withdraw with shock, and then I withdraw to give them space, and they decide that the distance is me-imposed. She told me ways that I could work on that space and shock and dialogue, but then told me that most of the people who don't appreciate that honesty probably aren't that good for me anyway.
She told me that my rejection complex probably started with someone who I embarrassed that didn't know what to do with me, and had her own intimacy issues, and that that's why I'm not so good at asking for answers.
She also told me that this period of helplessness is good practice in asking again.
We talked about a lot of things, in just an hour, or rather, she told me a lot of things and I filled in some gaps and helped focus her on what I needed her to see.
But the important thing is that I feel so much more whole. I can see opportunities and joy stretched ahead of me. I learned about myself. I feel closer to God. and I got to see my babies.
I love alternative medicine, and the myriad gifts that people are given.
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