Organ systems and string theory physics are so close, I feel like every neuron is delving into new philosophical challenges. My classmates are struggling with knowing where they truly are as we learn how we perceive where we are. I don't, so much. My vestibular system, which is where we get our sense of personal space from, is all messed up. If I stand up and close my eyes I don't have an innate impression of where the world stands in comparison to me. I just fall down.
Curiouser and curiouser, I know that I've trained other senses to help me stand straight and dance. I wonder what interposes for my brain- whether my sense of visual mapping is larger, or if I've honed my hearing for things beyond normal perception, or even just cultivated somatosensory perception beyond the normal thresholds that such sensation enjoys.
There are tales of yogis who can control even their heat production, drying wet blankets in seconds, of people who exist on air alone, of people who hear the stones talking. I am so very old, and so very young. My hair has started turning white. I've outlived three children who never made it to the world beyond the womb. I get carded every time I walk into a bar.
I'm starting to wonder what I'm capable of, and whether I'll be able to do so consciously. In just this year alone, I've bled for thirty days continuously- and lived. I've had a dream that showed me the future, though I didn't understand it at the time. I've moved from the shadows that were holding me back, talked to doctors in four corners of the globe, meditated up a protective hedge of roses while being filled with starlight. I'm in love with the world, enamored by the sky, enchanted with the trees. I'm starting to come into myself. I think my neurons are starting to make new pathways.
I think I'm finding God.
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