Thursday, June 30, 2011

ranch

The ranch smelled sweet yesterday, like clover and hay and horses.  The sky rolled with grey hills of its own, reflecting the valley floor from above. The subjects were matched to verbs that they had no hope of performing.
There's something lovely about being part of a herd. I walked out, broken, to the paddock where five of the seven horses stay. My intent was to increase contact time with another broken being, a former polo horse who was rode hard and put up wet, like a piece of equipment instead of as a lovely horse with her own needs. She wasn't keen on the idea, and every time I was close enough to touch her, she broke into a canter away from me.
The rest of the herd decided that was nonsense.
Each horse, especially my own dear mustang (who isn't actually mine, but follows me like a puppy), formed a moving screen, shielding me from view of the skittish quarter horse, while nonchalantly moving towards her. Eventually, with each horse, I was close enough to round the other side and pet -briefly- the frightened horse, who would then canter less and less far away. The herd and I repeated the show until I was able to get Veinte calm, haltered, and lead her to the round pen. 
She has so many scars.
Like me, now.
I don't know who benefited more from the interaction, her- seeing that not all humans are going to ride and beat her, or me- having someone to tell honestly about grief and loss with no judgement or trite consolation.
At the end of my time with Veinte, we both leaned on each other, my back on her shoulder and her head on my shoulder, resting in the small solace between two broken beings.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Oh, the accomplishment of summer.

I finished the wedding scrapbook, but as paper things in plastic protector sheets tend to be, I can't share it all on the interwebs. I want to, though. The first (misguided) thought I had was "I should upload this to facebook!"
And then I remembered- scrapbooks are the photo albums we did BEFORE facebook.
I felt a little young and stupid.
It's beautiful though. There are a few mistakes, and not quite all the pictures I wanted, but it's perfect.  And even though physical wedding albums are the kind that you don't put on the internet, I have family overseas, so I'm going to put a few teaser photos on here.
So here's the book:

Look at how thick it is!

Here is one of my favorite pages:

And another:

And for the rest, you have to come to my house.

-Meanwhile-
The cats both managed to get tapeworms, which is a feat indeed because they usually stay indoors and don't have any fleas. I'm suspicious of the scratching post we jacked out of the dumpster, though I think the incubation period would be a little too long. Here's my hierarchy of animals I have wormed from most difficult to least difficult: Wolverines> sheep> horses>cats. A dermal application! That's brilliant. Why don't we have that for horses?

The apartment complex that we live in has decided to up our rent by about a bajillion dollars. Ok, no, I'm exaggerating. Still, a 75$ hike after I went down and told them there was no way we could afford the 90$ hike and might have to move. I do feel like hot stuff for negotiating on the rent, but it's a pretty serious jump.
I am in love with the place though, and I don't want to move.
So if you see a place with two bedrooms, 1.5 bathrooms, a fireplace, washer and dryer, a ginormous kitchen, 7 huge windows, and a decent patio that accepts cats (which is all the things our apartment has) and is about 725$ a month (cuz that's what we're paying now, pre-hike) and is for rent in early august- let us know. We're wonderful tenants. Terrible roommates, as one of us is always asleep or studying such that we need constant quiet and in addition to that- we've been living on our own for 3 years, so we're accustomed to a certain way of life. But great, quiet, boring, responsible tenants with a penchant for handywork and gardening.

Last thing-
I'm still in love with summer. <3 no stress. Hakuna matata. And sun kissed skin.

Friday, June 24, 2011

love. summer.

Usually I would get up at 5 so that I could drop in on a yoga class downtown before school starts, on Friday. But I'm not feeling very bendy, just at the moment. It's more like gloriously free, in a shavasana for the day.
I don't need to study right now.
I am going to study this summer.
But not right now.
I think today I will watch a tv show and take a nap. And then clean my desk and cook dinner.
Like a normal person might.


Things I will also do this summer:
-work at the kid's connection ranch, taming horses.
-work at a women's health clinic
-follow around three or so doctors in mac.
-catch up on doctor who
-finish my wedding scrapbook (...three years after the fact. 'bout time.)
-go to germany (and maybe france)
-do all of the laundry and make all of the meals for my husband for at least a month (gotta get in all my wifelyness during the summer!)
-find a place to move to that isn't asking us to work overtime every month to afford it
-go to a wedding, and a 50th anniversary
-go camping
-ride a floaty whale down at least one river
-seriously attempt learning to swim (again)
-take a nap every. single. day.
- get a tan (from being outside!)

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Real Requirements

I was chillin' on facebook, like ya do, and an ad popped up on the side of my screen for an "online education preparing you for the world of naturopathic and alternative medicine".
I immediately marked the ad as offensive.

Why?
Because I'm just finishing up 72.25 credit hours of the first year of a four year accredited medical school, and online jokers like these is why it's so hard to pass licensing law in so many states.

Just to be clear- There is no such thing as a "physician" who went to internet school. The guidelines are clear- you simply cannot complete physical classes, like palpation or clinical/physical diagnosis without touching another person under the direction of someone who knows what they're doing. You cannot become a naturopathic physician without graduating from a naturopathic medical school which has been accredited by a licensing board that has be approved by the United States Department of Education.  You cannot enter a naturopathic medical school without first having obtained a bachelor's degree, and in some schools, having taken the MCAT. You have to have clinical hours, class room hours, pharmacy hours, and medicinary hours to even qualify to take the board exams (the NPLEX).

Naturopathic physicians are not lesser physicians. Allopathic school is not "real doctor school". We are a different specialty of medicine, and there are many things that we're better at treating than "normal doctors" are, like metabolic syndromes and many chronic diseases. We need to coexist for people to be healthier. I want a naturopath for preventative medicine, for management of health, and an allopath to be my surgeon when things go horribly wrong in car crashes or unpreventable disease.

There's a debate coming up this next year, which will pit AMSA (american medical student association) students against NMSA (naturopathic medical student association) students in a televised debate, where we debate all the basic sciences of medicine. And you know what? It'll be evenly matched. We're both good at basic science, and then we specialize in different things. Our main separation is our philosophy.

Keep those nuggets in mind, as you start to really see all of the insidious negatives that our culture and especially the American Medical Association is throwing at us. Keep in mind also that the countries with top rated healthcare (which doesn't include America, by the way- we're 37th on the world health organization's ranking list) have integrated naturopathic medicine, and traditional medicines of the region. Once this nation stops being so obstinately narrow-minded about a branch of medicine that's been here for the last 100 years anyway, maybe we can start moving up the ranks and really help some people. 

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Invade A Hospital

I was listening to an interview with Dr. David Ansell, the author of “Life, Death, and Politics at Chicago’s Public Hospitals", and I thought of this picture. What do you think?

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Why Don't We Do This EVERYDAY?!

My friends are having a jam night, and it has nothing to do with strawberries.


I'm bringing music in
-french,
-german,
-italian,
-english
featuring such selections as "Here in My Room" by Incubus, "Goody, Goody"  by Johnny Mercer, "Faites-Lui mes Aveux" from Faust, "Black Swan" from The Medium, "You are the Moon" by The Hush Sound, and so much more!


I think it's going to be a great night. I haven't sung like this in years.

Friday, June 10, 2011

lunar cyles, fresh starts.

Fun facts about the menstrual cycle to preface today's post:

Allopathic medicine places the menstrual cycle along with pregnancy under "Diseases and Conditions", even on pubmed, which is hardly a positive framework for a naturally occurring cycle that is expected throughout the course of fertility in all women.

Pain and irritation premenstrually and  during menstruation are signs of imbalance. Some of the reasons of imbalance I've heard most frequently in naturopathic classes are a magnesium deficiency, or toxicity of tissues. In chinese medicine, the imbalances are usually spiritual in nature and related to liver stagnation. This isn't to say that there are not clinical cases of dysmenorrhea- both branches of medicine both recognize that dysmenorrhea and premenstrual syndrome are conditions that many of today's women face on a monthly basis. There are many more reasons that women can have pain, irritation, and craving beyond merely magnesium deficiency, toxicity, liver stagnation, and disconnect.

Most women cycle for 26- 35 days, with 28 days considered most normal. The count begins on the first day of blood. The uterus, ovaries, and hormones follow an intricate dance of growth, fertility, more growth, and sloughing of unused womb tissue.

Women are less likely to have iron toxicity, and have a remarkable capacity for detoxification.
Historically, the beginning of the cycle was a time when women removed themselves from society and spent time taking care of themselves. In Jewish tradition, the second week of "cleansing" actually made it more likely that every time a couple had sex was within the window of ovulation and fertility, thereby making it easier to have a large family. 

There are many more interesting historical facts and myths that can make cycling less of a "disease or condition" and more like a beautiful time that nature has set aside for introspection and self care, but given the skeptical nature of many of my readers, I thought I'd skip the airy faerie stuff I'm so fond of and go directly for the facts:

Today, I'd like to celebrate the beginning of my first normal cycle since late December!
The 2 months of pregnancy and month of miscarriage had conditioned me to fear the sight of blood- especially by the end of the miscarriage, when I couldn't really spare any blood for any purpose beyond basic metabolism. As I recovered, I missed it.

I'm a fairly body conscious person- though "solidly built" by societies standards, I have a regular exercise routine which has consisted mainly of sprinting up a quarter mile hill to correct some work catastrophe and yoga for the last 5 years. Yoga means unity, between movement and breath, breath and spirit, spirit and body. It's a great way to get comfortable with how your body moves and looks- as long as you have a decent teacher who's got even a little of the classical texts before instruction. I also dance, which requires a lot of coordination and staring at myself in the mirror. And sometimes I lift weights. I lose more weight when I do that, but I hate the activity and the "rosie-the-riveter" arms it gives me. I eat well, I meditate, I track my cycles and basal metabolic temperature.

So when a month passed after recovery, I knew my body was still building up blood and trying to deal with the postpartum hormones. But when two months passed, I was concerned. I felt blocked, and stifled.

My doctor (who is graduating this month!) and I discussed seed cycling the first time I felt ready to try to cycle again. Seed cycling is based on giving your body a lot of hormone precursors, in plant form, according to the lunar cycle. I was doing flax seed from the new moon to the full moon, and then evening primrose oil from the full moon to the new moon. That was a disaster. My body hated that.

So month three, we tried a different plant based support-
(try nothing without talking to your doctor! I have not presented all aspects these herbs traditionally treat, and none of the contraindications!)
 a tincture made of:
angelica sinensis (dong quai)- used for pain, vasodialation, and stimulating/relaxing uterine muscles.
achillea millefolium (yarrow)- used for amenorrhea, reduction of inflammation and pain
vitex agnus castus (chaste tree berry)-normalizing hormone levels
gentiana lutea (gentian)- amenorrhea, reduction of nervous stress
scutellaria lateriflora (skullcap)- european uses- anxiety, native american use- amenorrhea
and dandelion flower essence- for joy and boundaries.

In addition, the supervising doctor recommended that I join the yoga classes that she teaches on Wednesday and Friday mornings. I had a meeting this morning, but my experience on Wednesday was profound. Since she knows my case, she was able to modify poses for me before I tried them, and we did a lot of pelvic opening throughout the routine. She's trained specifically through a lineage of teachers who originated pretty much with the classical texts, and the workout was the best- bar none- I've had all year, p90x or no.

I've been incorporating parts of the routine I started learning on wednesday into my twice daily twenty minutes of yoga, and I feel so much more connected to myself already.

Then I went to meditation group, which meets every friday, and spent the hour really focusing on my pelvis and the blockages that have kept this beautiful, natural cycle from occurring. I visualized a wall made of hard sand, and felt a small hole in the center, like an hourglass, pouring through. I focused on making that hole wider, and allowing clearance to flow....

And two hours later I'm back in the cycle! I'm probably magnesium deficient, and I don't feel totally normal, but I'm so glad to be one step closer to being healthy again, and so in love with the personalized care I've been given by my healthcare practitioners. I even called my primary to let him know that the plan worked, and quickly, and I think he may have been more excited than I was.
What a beautiful medicine this is.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

recenter

happy wednesday morning-
just a few moments here, but the mood is low and the spirit is lower.
hopefully today will help that.

just a quick count of live births since I lost my babies=5.
number rubbed in my face=1.
number I've cried over = 5.

so here I am, at yoga on yamhill. the teacher is  my doctor, and she told me to come, to tak more space for myself. afterwards, a mani/pedi at fleur de lys.  then class. then music making.

but it seems so empty, right now. hopefully the morning will recenter me.

Friday, June 3, 2011

always a hot mess.

Interesting tidbits to keep you from thinking I've abandoned the blog-

Van Gogh, Dante, Harriet Tubman, and Agatha Christie all have something in common beyond being a part of this wonderful thing we call the human legacy- They all suffered from seizure disorders.

University of California Los Angeles has a 300 credit hour program entitled "Medical Acupuncture for Physicians", which would not allow them to practice acupuncture in California, a state which requires 3,000 credit hours.  Further proof that mainstream allopathic medicine intends to cherry-pick what they like about natural and traditional medicine, and then do a really bad job at training people to practice in those modalities.

I've been elected donations chair for the student government association at my school. If you'd like to donate something (monetarily or physically, like raffle prizes) please let me know, either via the blog or by email.

The P90X program is a go again. I'm surprised at how much muscle wasting I have on my right side, but I've nonetheless made it through the first weeks, doing the best I can and forgetting the rest. There's something very soothing about hearing Tony Horton yell in the background as I struggle to do my 5th assisted pullup...

My primary, who is about to graduate, gave me these two nuggets of wisdom while we shared some sunshine on the school lawn today:
1- spend as much time in the clinic as you can.
2- Remember that every quarter/stage of life has the potential to be the most anxiety provoking segment of time you've ever dreamed of- so choose to see instead, the potential of every quarter/stage of life has to be the most peaceful and valuable segment of time that you have.


My small brown cat has found a way inside the bottom of my grey, wing back chair. This is distressing, as there are many other places he could lie without destroying my beautiful chair.  I have not found a way to keep him out and do not have the materials to repair the chair. Suggestions?

Females over 35 who smoke and take oral contraceptives have the highest risk of stroke in the united states population.

Biscuits stuffed with spicy tuna mix will always be a delicious, easy to whip up, potluck dish.

I need to sleep. <3