Before we tell you about Germany...we have some other news.

99.9% effective is apparently not all the protection it's cracked up to be.
And we kept it a secret for 10 weeks this time, so we're almost out of the danger zone.
Keep your fingers (buns?) crossed.
Backdated posts to follow

Medieval times

Though energy is down, and sucking wind is up, our trip to cochen castle was a ton of fun!


From the brown bread with lard to the wasser with gahs (bubblies) to the turkey leg that was the size of my forearm, it was a night that was surprisingly alright on the stomach. (also! First day I haven’t thrown up in Deutchland.)



My husband and I danced with the “Lords and Ladies”, saw two secret passageways, took pictures with the roses (cochen castle is suppose to be sleeping beauty’s castle- I had to get me some rose pictures), and had ice cream down in the town.



Ice cream always stays down. This kid is clearly related to me.



Today is the pig festival in wittlich (or something spelled equivalently) where villagers have been killing pigs out of spite for a very long time. And it’s raining, hurray! I can’t wait to get outside.

Being from the northwest USA, this much straight sunshine and 90 degrees has been weirding me out. Give me yo drizzle, sky!

Schwangershaft und reisen

One car ride, two airplanes, and a shuttle ride later, we have arrived in Germany!




I told my husband that if he ever gets me knocked up a couple months before we travel to Europe again, we will have harsh words.



My stomach seems to be a bit shy of airport and airplane bathrooms, so instead of being nauseous, throwing up, and then feeling better for a couple hours before putting that cycle on repeat, I was miserable for pretty much the whole trip. Of course, airplane food doesn’t really help the situation. Nor did the devil child in the chair behind me, who kicked my seat for 8 hours while it’s father indulgently smiled at the little spawn.

Once we got to the in-laws house (which is absolutely gorgeous, btdubs) and I puked for a while, then took a nap, everything was much better.



I’ve even eaten meat (!!!)

We went out to dinner last night, and I had grechensnetzle or something equivalent, which turned out to be gyro meat (lamb) and french fries in a delicious goo. Totally stayed down.

Being able to carnivore it up makes me happy.



Speaking of which- 9 weeks along!

Baby’s got fingers (webbed) and is working on finishing those 4 heart chambers this week. Go, baby, go!



I can feel my skin starting to stretch out on my abdomen. It’s weird, it feels like I’m perpetually at the level of stretch that I’d normally have during a total backbend. Mother-in-law gave me a bottle of cream that helped her, and I started using that last night. So thoughtful! I had no inkling of bringing skin care stuff like that. I’m glad that Moms and Mominlaws know what ya need, cuz I’m so clueless.



All the clinical embryology in the world doesn’t actually give you any common sense.



Now, for a lovely day of German bread, chocolate, and walking in beautiful old streets!

Germany.

The bank's been called, the laundry done, the shopping completed.
Not the packing, though.
Despite the fact that my husband and I have traveled together many times, and the fact that we've never been able to make it more than 4 days with all of our things packed in the same bag, he seems to think that his things will fit in my suitcase.
Which they might.
If I wasn't using it as a carryon, with the second compartment all sealed down to half an inch thick.

I mentioned this weeks ago, but now it's mere hours before we leave the house, and I'm still trying to find the bag he normally uses when we fly somewhere.

He's busy sleeping, of course. He pulled 5 shifts in the last 3 days, which is pretty incredible. The overtime will pay off some medical bills that popped up recently.

But I'm thinking his packing is going to have to wait until he wakes up. I can't find his bag, and the safe for the passports is on the top shelf, well out of my reach. Oh, the last minutes before vacation, how frantic they can be.

I am not the only one.

The country is pretty much spiraling into a shit hole these days, and plenty of the populace agrees.
And apparently, either a secessionist from Texas or a theist advocating an end to freedom of religion are the top choices for the upcoming elections.

Well, screw that noise.
I refuse to let a party who made tea parties into dirty, shameful affairs take control of my country. The party that refused to tax the insanely wealthy, choosing instead to raise the amount I have to pay on my student loans. (Cuz, you know, medical students. That's where the cash is AT.) The party that advocates constant war with no clear objective. This party currently thinks they've got a shot. And let's face it, there are plenty of racist, wealthy, and/or ignorant people across the country who are supporting these goals.

So, as this dear man says, let's put a party within the left party that's just as crazy as the tea party whackjobs. There are plenty of left wing extremists out there to balance the insanity-scales. We could call it the "Whole Grain Party", and bring a fresh view to the political stage.

Or better yet, maybe we could have a government that could cooperate and compromise within itself. Seriously, all of the debate participants rejecting a $10 in cuts for every $1 in tax raises compromise? That's a more than generous deal, especially considering that the wealthy are currently being taxed at a rate similar to the rates in place for our great grandparents, and the median household wealth has fallen about 50%. (more inequality figures). It's time to wake up and smell the rank, fetid odor of government- the issues at hand aren't really so much of a personal failing of President Obama as they are indicative of the petty squabbling and money grubbing of every single person in higher government.



You've heard me go off on the healthcare practices of this country, and why so many of them are horrible. You may have even heard me bitch about how, despite the fact that I make around $122 a month, I can't get food stamps because my husband's gross income (not the income we get to keep at all) is too high.
I, like many of you, have been lazy.
I'm a medical student, twentysomething, poor as can be, and felt powerless.

But you know what?

I'm not. And neither are you.

Let's use social media to create a riot. Not a break-into-london-stores-and-put-even-more-poor-people-on-the-street-because-now-they've-not-got-homes-or-jobs kind of riot, but a riot of non-compliance. We, the people, are fully capable of stopping the tea party, and the secessionists, and these fat cat billionaires and corporations who don't want to pull their full weight.

We, the people, are this country.

Refuse to elect any of these people who can't be bothered to compromise. Who won't listen to anything but their own logic. Don't vote them into congress. Don't vote them into the senate. Don't let them be governors, legislators, or even a page, running messages in the hall.
If we all speak at once, and show the country what is unacceptable, we cannot be overruled.

You may say I'm a dreamer...but I am not the only one.
There are millions of us.
Let's stand together.

Out at dinner

K: Here, try this beer!


Me: No thanks, I'm not drinking tonight.

K: ...*questioning, suspicious eyebrow raise*

E: ...*quizzical suspecting glance*

Me: Ok, fine, yeah. I got knocked up again.

K: Squeee!

E: I thought your boobs looked really perky.

This is why secret pregnancies with medical school friends don't work out. I turn down one glass of alcohol, gain three pounds, and they're all busy going...."Hmmm...not drinking, weight gain, not staying out as late, eating a salad instead of chicken wings...YOU'RE PREGGERS!"

I'm clearly going to have to tell people after we get back from Germany.

One hurdle down, eleventy billion to go.

I donated like, a liter (exaggeration) of blood for testing, granted the misfortune that haunted my every step earlier this year, and the lab ran a complete metabolic panel, a thyroid panel, a CBC, an iron level, HCG levels, and progesterone levels. Got the basic results back by phone today and:












TOTALLY NORMAL.

Booyah.



Actually, HCG + Progesterone running a little high, which is great.

Vitamin B running low at the time of testing, which is no big deal because I was put on vitamin B supplements about 2 days beforehand. I’m sure the levels are great now.



Huge weight off my mind. I’ll still feel more relieved in 3 and a half more weeks, when my 30% chance o’ miscarriage drops to like, 5%.

Dreams

Growing up with my mom’s horror stories of the dreams she had when she was pregnant with me, or my little sister predisposed me to expect nightmares about bugs. This has not been the case, in any of my three pregnancies.




This is the first time that I’ve gotten so far along (8w1d!) and the dreams are starting to turn weird.



Earlier, my dreams were vivid but weird. I had a dreams about Papa-to-be and his frat brothers going to jail on a bus (to protect petey. The only Petey we know in real life is a penguin pillow pet.) which I only found out because his Escalade (we don’t own an Escalade) had the lights on and when I went out to turn the lights off, it told me that dear Papa had left his wallet and cell phone in the car. (in digital display, on the center console.) So naturally, I jumped on a centaur and rode through the town naked to find him. And thought to check a prison bus.







Then my subconscious got cruel, but realistic. The night before a fasting blood test that was all the way at 10 am, I dreamed of nothing but eating chocolate covered strawberries. Luxurious, perfectly sweet strawberries in the best chocolate I’ve ever tasted. Most amazing food I’ve ever tasted.

Of course, then I woke up and couldn’t eat for four hours.

And the chocolate covered strawberries I made later that night weren’t as good as my dream strawberries. How mean is that?



Last night was the first nightmare. I had a perfectly realistic dream that I got up and went to the bathroom (which I do a lot these days.) But in the bathroom, I started miscarrying again, with so much blood, so much red blood.



I woke up crying and had to talk myself into the reality of the situation, that I was lying in bed, that I hadn’t gotten up, and then I had to go check just to be sure. What an awful dream.

internet images

*Actual baby may vary.




I stole this off of the all wonderful google, to celebrate our first meeting with a midwife!



I strongly believe that a woman’s body is built to withstand the process of birth- and that if women couldn’t handle birth naturally, then our entire species would have gone extinct thousands of years ago.



Papa-to-be and I went down to the Portland waterbirth center, Andaluz, which has a staff of 8 professional, licensed midwives and 5 beautiful rooms with huge tubs, gorgeous showers, beautiful beds, and the same strong belief that birth can be non-traumatic, lovely, and natural. They operate on an informed consent basis, which is nice- especially since most people have no idea that they’ve consented to screening/ procedures until those things show up in a medical history. This means I don’t have to agree to a hepB vaccine at birth (which, you know, isn’t great for baby during its first day of life) or antibacterial eye drops (since I don’t have chlamydia) or even to having my baby leave the room that I’m in for the first little bit of it’s tiny adorable life.



What’s new at 8 weeks?



Well, I was a size 6 a couple weeks ago, but now I’m wearing my size 10’s that I (thank the good lord) hadn’t donated yet. I’ve also re-graduated into bras that I’d lost weight out of, and might need new ones soon.



Eating is still a challenge, and I’ve basically been a vegetarian for the last week, which is an interesting experience for a dedicated carnivore. Tempeh is so weird. I can’t tell if I like it or hate it- but I can tell that it stays in my tummy!

(and really, at this point, that’s all that counts.)



Big fan of the Apple Cider Vinegar- having a sip before a meal decreases my chances of throwing up that meal by about a third- and it’s such a simple remedy!



I love naturopathic medicine.



Also coming in at 8 weeks- 3 wonderful years of marriage to my favorite nurse!

The man of the house has been so wonderful- taking care of all of the smelly stuff so that I don’t have to, making iced ginger tea, giving me backrubs, intense tournaments of Jenga, and incredibly sweet goofy grins every time that guy looks at me. <3



Thursday all of my bloodwork comes in, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now.

NPR, Baby!

Well, baby-


According to this article, you’re going to like peas, hummus, pesto and cream cheese on potato bread, ginger tea, graham crackers, and mango sorbet.



Someday, when I don’t throw up almost every meal I eat, I will introduce you to a world of delicious and exotic flavors!

future decisions.

One of my friends just finished doula training!
For those of you not in the know, a doula is a person who attends birth and the post-partum period as a non-medical support person. This is the person who remembers that you didn't want an episiotomy after you've been in labor for several hours and can only focus on the process, and the person who takes responsibility for making sure that you've heard and understood what's going on. An advocate for the mother during the series of events that make up bringing a new person into the world. Someone who may use massage, positive reinforcement, encouragement, nurturing, (pretty much all the stuff that wikipedia says that they do) to support the little family.
For her, it's also an important first step to becoming a midwife.

I've thought long and hard about becoming an N.D. midwife for a few years now.
The program doesn't take anyone until after they've completed basic birth classes, and then- once admitted to the birth program, more classes are taken and a number of births are attended, both in an observation role or as actively participating in the birth, with a number of births being delivered by the student before the (additional) boards are taken and the student becomes a full fledged midwife. 
It also usually takes a full extra year, on top of the 4 year ND program.

Then, for the rest of the obstetric life of the ND in a rural area, you can't travel. You're always on call. It's hard to be covered by malpractice insurance, because the state doesn't recognize obstetrics as part of the scope of practice for an ND.

Especially in some of the areas that I'm looking at, it'd be me or a hospital birth, which is a lot, a lot, a lot of pressure.
(By the way, did you know that the United States only has one single hospital that lives up to European standard of care for maternity? It's in Grant's Pass. No wonder our neonate mortality rate is so much higher than say...Germany, France, Singapore, Switzerland, or the other 20 countries that rank above us.Yet we spend more money on health care...)

So I'm on the fence. Would it be easier to choose, if I was already on the 5 year track? If malpractice insurance wasn't so hard to obtain? If I knew that classmates were considering the same area, so that we could trade on-call months? If babies only happened between 9am and 5 pm? If our hospital system wasn't so far behind on ethical and reasonable birthing practices? (Did you know that the average hospital's induction rate spikes on Friday (so doctors can go home for the weekend) and that the average hospital has a cesarian rate of 30%, compared to a midwifery center's 3%? And that unnecessary surgery really ups the neonate and maternal mortality rate?)

The life of a midwife is a hard life. But deferring that responsibility is also hard.

True to form, I'll put off the decision until I have more experience/until I really have to make a decision after the basic birth series.

7 weeks

Hello, darling.


You are now in the range of 7 weeks, gestationally, and boy, are you making life interesting.

For instance, you only let me eat: plain yogurt with honey. graham crackers. mashed potatoes. and potato bread with pesto and cream cheese. This is not the diet I would like to be feeding you, as it is a little lacking in the vitamin and protein department.

Also, no water? Really? Why?

Tea is good, and so is soymilk, but I miss water. It’s August, baby! I need to drink water so that I have enough blood volume for you.



Your papa and I finally figured out when you were conceived- I was very surprised by how big you were on the ultrasound! I was guessing 4 and a half weeks ago, but no- you were that one time right before I went up to Washington to attend a friends wedding. And- just so you know- it was not clear that there was any sort of ovulation at the time. Seriously.



We’re very excited, though, and looking forward to meeting you next year. We have appointments set up with primary care, and with the water birth center where we can meet a midwife that can hopefully help us through your whole term, all in this next week. Then we’ll go to Germany!



We love you, baby descant.

Stay safe.

Under the Weather

I can't tell if being under the weather makes more sense during summer, as though I am not rising to the occasion of the weather, or if it makes less sense.
However, should I not be rising to the occasion, I believe that I would still be under the weather even if it was a fogged in, hailing, raining day interspersed with lightning.
Last Saturday at the clinic, with my mind in a much healthier place than it had been in months previous, I detailed my banged up knee, my out of adjustment cervical, thorasic, and lumbar vertebre, as well as my out of place ribs, and crooked pelvis and a myriad of other health concerns that were pretty much purely physical.
I think this is just going to be a year for complicated health, as this week has proven. I'm glad I have a wonderful health team, because as my new primary exclaimed last Saturday "You don't do anything by halves! Poor thing, you're falling apart!"
I've been advised to not frolic in a river with a banged up knee and a wretched sunburn on 90% of my body, which I think is pretty sound advice. Next year we're definitely packing sunscreen. And I will try to not repeatedly fall down a rock slide merely because I am afraid to let go of my floaty whale. I will let go of the floaty whale and allow someone else to swim downriver to fetch it.
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Meanwhile, in other health quarters, my yoga teacher/primary care physician has been trying to teach me the art of slowing down. While meditation has become routine (and I'm pretty sure I've worn some prayer beads out this week!) and my inner calm is a little bit more directable, I still prefer a flurry of action to the stillness of staying in one place.
Yesterday, rather than the 20something poses that we normally flow with, I was directed instead to stay in 5 positions over the hour and fifteen minute session.
It was so much harder!
My mind quickly got bored. The poses were harder to maintain in an active form over lengthy periods of time, especially since the other two people who came to class were doing the normal routine. I could feel the good they were doing, but rather than focusing on the breath, maintaining the inner line, the words of a mantra, I was split into halfheartedly maintaining my form, jealously overhearing a regular routine, planning out what I would say for scheduled events days in the future and going over test results in my head.
Clearly, I need to be still. This is a practice I lack, and would like to become good at.
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Best health news- the afternoon nap has made a resurgence in my daily routine. I'm quite pleased with this, as I've never really understood why economics and business should take precedence over a good couple hour nap just after lunch. No one really wants to do anything after lunch anyways, and don't lie- you know you don't.
Summer afternoon naps <3