It's a strange and horrible thing for your child to die inside of you- to be aware of the sickening loss of sensation followed by the pain building and intensifying. To watch the red, red blood fall away while the fire burns away at your spine.
It's had to see the blood, knowing that somewhere in those masses of tissue, there's a clump of cells that used to have a soul so large that I could feel it two feet away from my body.
My uterus is locked in spasm. My lumbar vertebrae and sacrum are compressing, caught on cold fire and aghast at the horror in front of them. The muscles of my abdomen twitch and writhe. The ligaments expanding into my inguinal canal are shuddering as my heart beats too fast and my throat closes up and tears fill my eyes.
Goodbye, my little love.
I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteSorry I didn't respond before--I didn't know what I could possibly say since I've never been in a similar situation. I still don't know what to say, so I'll just say that you are loved, and if you need anything from me (even so far away) it's yours.
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