There's a really big reason for why I was upset that the baby news was leaked to facebook before I was good and ready to really tell anyone.
two years ago, I miscarried. I miscarried so early that it didn't show up on hCG tests and I was told (after I left the emergency room where I'd gotten plugged into some fluids) that I should just stop being so nervous and go home to rest. The next day, at 10 in the morning, I had the worst sensation of loss followed shortly thereafter by the most blood I'd ever seen in my life and the worst cramping I've ever felt in my life. But at least then, I only had to tell my husband and my mom about that trauma.
This time the hCG tests came back positive, but I'm still really worried. And we're not out of the woods yet- 1 in every 5 women miscarries. Last night I had a tiny bit of bleeding- and I know that can be totally normal- but I called my primary and I was shaking so badly that my husband stayed home from work to make sure I was ok. I had just gotten to the point where I was making up lullabies and was really comfortable with the idea of the baby being real- and now I'm back to just being scared. and overwhelmed. I don't even want to think of having to tell everyone if something terrible happens. On facebook, no less...I have no idea who knows and who doesn't.
I'm just so tired and sad right now, and I still feel pregnant, I'm just worried about side symptoms. I can't imagine dealing with a miscarriage this time, this public.
Hi Ali,
ReplyDeleteI'm keeping you in my prayers. I'm sorry about the public info leak, but personally am glad I can be available to be supportive. Rest assured that God, who created the unexpected (to you) life, loves it (and you). I don't know what the future holds, but I know that for sure. I love you. Let me know if I can help at all.
Amy